1. |
fugue state
02:50
|
|
||
|
in the gas station parking lot
I sat so still my heart stopped
I brushed against liminality
this place has its own poetry
a fugue state
carried me away
I had to get lost
I had to escape
I learned to keep my hopes low
so I flatline absolute zero
disappointment won’t get me down
heart attack before I hit the ground
grief is waiting
in the wings
to take me under
to take me in
in the middle of my heart
there is a deep black well
I don’t remember when or how
but at some point I fell
the pinpricks come
I’m waking up
no longer numb
I can see the sun
oh to see it shine again
oh to see it shine
|
||||
2. |
sleep cycle
02:35
|
|
||
|
my sleep cycle is off again
now I’m up at four AM
I puzzle over mortality
I hope there’s still time for me
sometimes I think I’m above it
but I’m buried neck deep
I’ll just keep my eyes covered
it’s not real if I don’t see
I’m up all night and I sleep all day
daydreaming in a different way
I’m tired, I’m nervous, and I am bored
I don’t wanna complain anymore
I know there’s little difference between
the grandiose and the mundane
still I’m terrified of mediocre
when I’m lying in the dark awake
a question with no answer
one at the cost of the other
maybe it’s too big to understand
or smaller than the palm of my hand
either way it isn’t my secret to keep
and I’ll feel better if I sleep
I hope there’s still time for me
there’s gotta be
I hope there’s still time for me.
|
||||
3. |
no kill shelter
04:06
|
|
||
|
you show up unannounced just like you have
a hundred times before
scratching at my door
I know I shouldn't let you in,
tell you I won’t do this anymore
settle the score
I could never turn you away
I suppose it’s the price I have to pay
I have to pay
it’s okay, anyway
out on the street walking in the dark
to get my head on right
the dead of night
a translucent pair of eyes taking in
every unseen sight
under the street light
I think of ways to punish you
a smoke screen too thick to see through
to see through
breathing the fumes,
it hurts me too
I’ll lick my self inflicted wounds
you'll move through the blinding plumes
I don’t have the heart put you down
so you keep coming around
coming around
through the winter sting
and summer swelter
we’re two flawed animals
seeking a no-kill shelter
a no kill shelter
|
||||
4. |
bitter words
05:38
|
|
||
|
don’t say my name when we’re alone
I can’t even bear to hear the tone
your voice echo makes my ears ring
the sharp intake of your breathing
the quiet is enough
or maybe it’s too much
holding on by a delicate string
beautiful thing, philosopher king
the words taste bitter in my mouth
I’ll turn around and spit them out
have I got more than I bargained for
I suppose, but I’m not sure
what happens now?
I’m certain I’ll find out
The answer was here before
but it isn’t anymore
|
||||
5. |
jellyfish song
03:13
|
|
||
|
invertebrate and elastic
rushing deep sea music
drifting through the fluid
looming fluorescent, you swim
and float, in darkness you glow
graceful strands, a silent bell
only by nature without will
numbing prey a stinging cell
bioluminescent light
goes white untethered by sight
unseasonably warm day
diving underneath the waves
golden hour begins to wane
I am swallowed in the deep
brain dead, asleep
|
||||
6. |
about us
05:46
|
|
||
|
here I am with my head hung low and my heart in my shoes
I guess some people never change but I expected more from you
armor of a black dress and a cigarette well, they didn’t keep me safe
I guess we both learned the hard way not to hide behind cliches
you spun your silver lining so masterfully
but I remain unconvinced of anything you say, of anything you say
I know too well this game, I know too well this game you play, you play
a web of desire woven over and over
a decade of starving impossible to bear
I didn’t know at the time but I was caught
You were the spider, I was the moth
it’s fine, it’s fine, really I don’t mind if this is what you need to get by
it’s fine, it’s fine really I don’t mind if this is how you can live your life,
so live your life
so drown me in your bloodstream
let your veins be my hearse
they will carry me into your chambers
and as my body decays
vines will grow on my grave
and when they cause your heart to slow
maybe you’ll think about us
you thought you wanted it enough but when push came to shove
I tumbled to the floor at your feet you drifted just out of my reach
with the memory of the color of my dress
you got what you wanted, no more, no less
and as I light another cigarette
I tell myself not to think about us.
|
||||
7. |
paint
05:06
|
|||
|
for you, every day
is more of the same
the thick white paint
covering your face
is your hiding place
tie an invisible noose around your neck
and hope somebody will think it’s funny
you may hide it well
but I can tell
your cheeks are wet
was it the prank flower
in your shirt pocket?
try and turn it into a joke but then you choke
the truth is caught in your throat
it’s a game I don’t want to play
there’s no joy in the laughter’s wake
and when the makeup flakes
all that’s left is decay, decay
maybe it’s easier for you
to play the sad clown
and keep them around
punching down
You know that ultimately the choice is yours.
you laugh to hide the hurt, but it'll only get worse
|
||||
8. |
24 hour news
03:04
|
|
||
|
I turned on the 24 hour news
it’s giving me the blues
the empire crumbles and falls
my world used to be small
the spiral begins
and I invite it in
again and again
the only comfort I can find
is to take a walk outside
and when I breathe the pine
I remember that I’m fine
I’m caught in a loop
cant help but consume
more than I can chew
sometimes things get desperate
television is my only friend
the cement looks like heaven
but just when I’m ready for the end
the cycle turns over again
the end was the predictable part,
but now I wonder how it starts
|
||||
9. |
departure
04:46
|
|
||
|
sometimes I forget myself in sleep
until I wake I am lost completely
my eyes float open and I am here
spring in the eastern hemisphere
I had grown so resentful and bored
the same people telling the same story
I can’t always tell if that life was real
or the invention of a dream
everywhere I go I’m searching
for something I may never find
but there is love, and that’s enough
my old neighborhood has a smell I miss
the tree roots raising uneven bricks
now I open my window during a storm
and watch as birds get blown off course
|
||||
10. |
carsick hymnal
05:04
|
|
||
|
keep my eyes forward or it rises in my throat
sucking on a mint with my gaze upon the road
I thought I saw a blackbird perched in a tree
it was just a plastic bag, my eyes play tricks on me
I hate driving but I get nauseous if I don’t
my body knows that I need to be in control
the train tracks run between the river and the road
the train never comes, and I’m out here alone
the distance to always seems further than home
the night leaves me so cold I turn the heater on
this radio station plays the same five songs
jaded from stagnant noise I turn it off
a wave of nausea comes over me
highway hypnosis, I’ll get there eventually
I don’t want to speak, I don’t want to sing
I just want to be left alone to think
|
||||
ada bonnevie recommends:
if you're looking for something a little more high energy, this is my punk adjacent band adlt grrrl
go to albumIf you like ada bonnevie, you may also like:
The four songs on the new EP from Rylie DeGarmo give country melodies a mysterious glow, recalling the best of Cowboy Junkies.
go to album
Only Lovers Left Alive (single)
by Taleen Kali
Taleen Kali's latest single harkens back to the sweet garage pop sound of Dum Dum Girls and Frankie Rose and the Outs.
go to album
The Last Remaining Light
by Far Caspian
UK-based Irish musician Joel Johnston creates an expansive indie-rock atmosphere on his latest album as Far Caspian.
go to album
Tender and gorgeous songs from this Brooklyn duo, “and then all over” is a striking, evocative work full of hushed beauty.
go to album
Rickety, rollicking guitar-pop driven by Jilian Medford's disarmingly off-kilter delivery. Available on limited-edition colored vinyl.
go to album
